Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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