forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
