its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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