so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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