I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
