I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
