So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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