my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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