Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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