..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize