it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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