Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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