A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
