I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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