i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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