Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
