I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
