We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
