New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
