now i know why i became what i already was.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize