someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
