Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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