but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
