the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize