she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
