I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize