so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize