Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize