My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
