He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
