Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize