he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
