i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
this will be a night to untag.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
