what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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