im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
