i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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