She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
