She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
