Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
