Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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