lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
