Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
