Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
