Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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