i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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