Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
