Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
