I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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