I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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