guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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