Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
