just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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