Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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