I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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