Don't make out with my wife yet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
