If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Congratulations! We have a period
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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