I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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