Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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