I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
