Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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