I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
