Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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