Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
