I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
