So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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