Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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