he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
