No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
