Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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