he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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