i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
