I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
