Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
