Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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