you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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