If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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