So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You're like the curious george of whores
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
