The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
