I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
