Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
