I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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