Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
