I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Are we still banned from the library?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
