I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize