the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
