okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
