so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
