Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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