Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
