If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
