what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
