I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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