Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize