I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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