Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
