so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Non-Jews are for practice
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
