At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
