apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
