Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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