Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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