My hand turned me down
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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